The HR Confidence Club -Blog
6th October 2024
Thank you to Kate Maddison-Greenwell this months fabulous guest speaker for her Building Confidence: For You AND Your Managers for sharing your fantastic acting skills, hints and tips with us to think about as ways to help build out confidence, and the confidence of our managers.
Kate discussed with us preparation internally as well as the usual logistics when organising a meeting. The importance of active listening & staying present, ensuring our self-regulation is reviewed, and self-awareness when delivering those more difficult messages.
Thank you to Sarah Harris for her awesome write up of the session, which I have blatantly stolen, to follow her and to see her post, it can be found here.
As HR professionals, we support and coach managers through difficult ER situations, but who looks after HR? This is a discussion I've had a lot in recent weeks. Using the acting methods Kate shared, we picked up some valuable tips on conflict resolution, emotional regulation, and delivering hard news/feedback.
Here are some key takeaways: 💪
DO
✅ Stay grounded in the moment: Your feelings are valid and it's not healthy to bottle up your natural reaction, but it's not always wise to share them immediately either!
✅ Adopt empathy and compassion: Be authentic having the difficult conversations. It's never nice to hear bad news, but being blunt about it won't make it any
easier to hear.
You can be direct while still acknowledging the difficulty of the situation.
✅ Focus on behaviours, impact and outcomes, rather than criticising the individual: By being constructive you're more likely to get buy-in and help facilitate change.
✅ Get the facts: Don't make decisions based on one interaction / complaint; Go away and do your research before proposing the next steps.
DON'T
❌Feel scared to ask for help. We're all human and it won't hurt to get a second view.
❌Forget to clarify what’s being said: By mirroring what the person is telling you ("what I’ve heard you say is") you can give them the chance to sense-check what they're saying and make sure you're understanding them correctly, whilst also acknowledging that they're being heard.
❌Think you can solve everyone’s problems: Sometimes people just need to vent, sometimes they can solve it themselves, they might just need guiding in the right direction and empowering to take action.
❌Go in unprepared: Think about the reactions you're likely to get and how you'd like to be treated in that scenario. A good mentor once told me "confidence comes from knowing your stuff really well", so make sure you know what you want to get out of it and how you'd like to get there first.
One thing I've learnt in recent weeks is the power of community and knowledge-sharing - it's invaluable. I'm so looking forward to more learning and growing together as a network.
29th September 2024
This week was a rollercoaster one, you may have seen my post about having a bit of a wobble about whether The HR Confidence Club was helpful for people. Over the summer there has been less interaction and engagement in the group, and of course that could be for a whole host of reasons, but my inner critic was being mean.
Prepping for the Confidence Coffee & Connect virtual monthly session, I was unbelievably nervous, it had been bothering me for a few days. I had no idea why. I
posted about it to show that whilst my confidence has massively grown, there are days I still struggle. I tried my tested clarity method of exploring and working out what's going on in my head, it helped to get the thoughts and feelings out but for a few days I couldn't get to the core of it.
One early morning 3am, I woke with it on my mind. It seems I really want to help others, and have a guarantee, unfortunately if people aren't ready then I am not able to help. I felt better but still nervous.
The session was great, no idea what I was worrying about. I did a write up of the discussion here
Podcast guest:
I have been a podcast guest twice now talking about the purpose of the Club. The first one hasn't landed yet. The second one was with the awesome Ted Hewett from the People Experience Hub, you can find the links below if you would like to have a watch of it
Podcasts on Spotify: https://lnkd.in/e-it3XFd
Blog: https://lnkd.in/eQs3vHFY
Youtube video: https://lnkd.in/em4ieJfz
Reflection:
Tell me about your week, are you feeling as happy as you'd like?
Are you feeling as confident as you would like?
Are you being hard on yourself like I was?
Is there any truth in the thoughts, or is it your inner critic in overdrive?
There are a number of tools in the post about the Confidence, Coffee & Connect session which may help you. Word of caution with the saboteurs though, you may not be ready for that one as it may bring up childhood memories.
15th September 2024
This week was a one of the quieter week's I mentioned. My non-working day was supporting my husband as he embarks on a change of career, going back to college to study L3 Counselling. He was excited and a bit daunted, but reassured when he got there that he wasn't the only man, and wasn't the oldest. I hope the tip I kept giving him on focusing on one thing - showing up and taking notes helped him if any doubts came along.
Adding Value in HR
Following a discussion about how we can add value in HR, it sparked my motivation to capture my thoughts. We know that everyone has a perception about the value that HR can add.
We are not able to please all of the people, all of the time, or even some people, some of the time! Adding value is about defining worth, but when we consider the term adding value the thoughts of that even differ, is it our ability to operate strategically, is it the analytics that provide a quantifiable outcome (Personnel Today 2012), or is it the feelings we elicit in others through our interactions. Whatever we define adding value as, it is about the perception of worth, and these expectations and perceptions of us vary. No wonder we feel uncertain if we are adding that value. I have written a full article which you can read here, with the purpose of getting clarity for ourselves on what our own value is in the work we do, and building our confidence in relation to that value.
My tips for adding value:
At a localised level to build inner confidence and not let the ongoing negative dialogue of others affect your sense of worth, it is my belief that: One of the keys to confidence is to focus on what’s truly important: the people you’re serving and the value you’re bringing to them and the organisation. If data is available great, assess and analyse what it is telling you. Are there costs associated or efficiency savings or improvements to be made. Where data is not available, or indeed appropriate when it relates to a personal matter, or the request for advice, I believe that people want to be seen, heard and to feel valued, whether you are dealing with a manager or an employee
Understanding the business
– how it operates and functions, what the other departments do, how they fit together, and how the HR function supports them. Reading the annual plan, whilst it may seem boring to us in HR as it may not be our skillset and our passion, it can really help in persuading your managers and leaders that you know how the HR function supports every aspect of the business, which we do. Using this knowledge to relate to our advice, demonstrates the considerations you have made and why the advice you are giving is relevant.
Listen empathetically
– deeply to the situation presented. Ensure that the manager or employee has said all they need to say. The stakeholder relationship is crucial in building trust, how you leave people feeling is going to go a long way towards their perception of you in helping the situation. Often a manager or employee is coming to you with a problem they don’t know how to resolve. Ensure they are heard, seen, and appreciated. I often thank managers for coming to me to sound out their problem early, as a way of showing how important early intervention is in an issue.
Ideal outcome
– ask them what their ideal outcome or solution is. That way you know from the start what they are hoping to achieve, and then work backwards from that. Ask them how they wish to approach the situation, not in a testing way but in more of a coaching style to see where their approach, style or mindset is. You are less likely to encounter frustration by offering advice and suggestions that do not fit where their perception of the issue is. You can then adapt and tailor your advice and approaches as needed.
Explain fully
– the situation from your perception, what considerations, implications or consequences there may be. What information you are referring to or what next steps you will need to do to explore and help them to resolve the situation. In my experience they are then fully briefed about why it may take a couple of days to come back to them.
Credibility
– do what you say you will and by the time you have said you will do it. If there is a problem along the way, or a delay to obtaining the answer needed, then update them with the reason, so that they are kept informed. It enables the building of trust and the perception of reliability.
Check in
– I often follow up to see how someone is feeling, or how a situation has developed. That way I can understand if there are any further issues, factors or considerations. I can also check that they are still happy with the advice given, or of anything needs to be adapted.
Reflection:
I would love to know your views on adding value, and to reflect on the ways you add value
How does your role contribute to the strategic goals of the organisation?
How do you add value to your organisation through your role?
When was the last time you read the annual report?
Has your knowledge increased as a result of reviewing the report?
Has it enabled you to consider things differently?
How has a seemingly reactive and trivial issue actually ben a consequence of a bigger strategic issue?
What could you do to help support and resolve that bigger issue?
8th September 2024
I seem to have such full on weeks, or nothing much happens, which is actually good for rest but there doesn't seem to be a balance. This may link to some information given by the awesome Samantha Garstin The Period Princess who spoke at The Great Geek Together this week. It was an awesome session and I am definitely going to invite her a long to a future guest speaker slot, but check out what she has to say you may learn a lot more than you think.
You may have seen my video on Wednesday reflecting on my confidence on the drive down to Northampton to see Ted Hewett from The People Experience Hub. Ted asked me to be on his podcast and of course I was honoured so immediately said yes. This was my second podcast. You may recall I asked Michelle and Anwen to help me with the first one. We will share them both once they are ready.
Later that day we also had the fantastic session from Dr Jo Burrell on Overcoming Negative Self-Talk.
Dr Jo is a Clinical Psychologist her vast research and experience on Resilience is evidenced based, and is the most effective way of dealing with problems. Jo talked about proven cognitive behavioural approaches in order to use this as a preventative measure as well as skills, and strategies to help us to think more flexibly when facing
difficulties.
Our negative automatic thoughts are often not based on evidence even when there are tiny bits of evidence that reminds us of when we have fluffed our words for example is a tiny thing that has happened that we replay over and over.
Jo advises us when these patterns emerge to start to notice them, to question are they helpful. and then to challenge them by asking are they true, is this thought based in reality, or are we making a thinking error.
If we are making a thinking error then to replace those thoughts with something more helpful. When we are having a thinking error we are often "catastrophising, labelling, mind reading or overgeneralising"
Newsletter and Articles
I have so many thoughts and things going around in my head, I thought I would try to get some of it out and into a LinkedIn newsletter or article in the hope it helps and resonates with you. This will be a different focus to the monthly ones you receive via email which has been more my musings and happenings through the month
If you want to check out the first one on Self-Confidence, you can find it here https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/self-confidence-the-hr-confidence-club-consultancy-ceave
1st September 2024
September already! where has the last 4 months gone?!
The HR Confidence Club is 4 months old today, Happy Birthday to us!! Surely that means we can have cake right?
This week started in the Lake District, a mini break to recharge and also celebrate husbands birthday. The weather wasn't great but luckily we did get some nice pictures by the lake on the first day, and managed to give my soul some spiritual water time.
I am not really spiritual but my mind and body relaxes completely whenever I am near the river, lake or sea. I just feel calmer, at ease, and really content, a sense of grounding in nature's beauty.
Feelings of confidence
Last week I was reminded how much easier it is for confident people to do the things they want to do, and when they want to do them. This example was going to a new place for drinks which appeared a little posh. I was asking someone what they wanted to do, and whilst they are easy going and laidback mostly, there are times when I can see they are in their own head, over thinking, and getting in their own way. Don't get me wrong there are still times when this happens to me.
However as a confident person I presume we think that if something is rubbish that we decide it's not for us we just leave. Perhaps having the courage to try a new experience detached from the outcome. If it is rubbish chalk it up to experience and a lesson, if it is great bonus, either way there is a memory from it. Anyway the discussion continued, part of them wanted to go but there were a lot more excuses as to why we shouldn't go "it looks pretentious", but I couldn't get to the real reason. I
suggested lets just have 1 drink and we can move on to somewhere else, there were plenty of places to go. We got there and ordered the drinks, he place was
beautiful the service was impeccable and really friendly putting us at ease and having a laugh.
We had the best time, took loads of photos, the drinks were great and after the first drink they suggested staying for another, which we did! I asked them afterwards why didn't they want to go, and they said they didn't think they would like it, and that they didn't think they would fit in. However it was all in their head beforehand, and could have really stopped them from doing something they did want to do but overthought the situation beforehand.
Questions to reflect on:
🌟Do we want to do that thing? Gut reaction - Yes/No, if yes find the courage, it will be worth it
🌟Are we overthinking it? Gut reaction - Yes/No, if Yes, why?
🌟What if doing that thing gives us a fantastic experience?
🌟Do we cope with unexpected things when life throws curveballs at us?
If yes, and you want to do the thing, find the courage from somewhere and have no expectations of the outcome. Either way positive or negative, is it a lesson we can grow from?
Belief in ourselves "Don't listen to the nayseyers" Arnie Schwarzenegger.
Not sure if you saw the video on LinkedIn but I think it is worth a watch for those of us doubting ourselves because we are different, or don't fit in. Have belief in ourselves, our uniqueness, our differences. These differences, can bring creativity, innovation, fun, value. Whatever they are and bring to a situation, we are who we are, why wish to be anyone else.
25th August 2024 - Overcoming Negative Self-Talk
Some of you will know that I wish to advocate for all of us HR professionals who have been or who are, struggling with low confidence. We are taking on the tolls of our external environments and unfortunately that weight is starting to drag us down mentally, emotionally and in turn physically. We can see work in this area is much needed with various thought leaders now starting to champion this more. At last!!
I am not a counsellor or therapist, I am a collaborator, a facilitator. I aim to bring us together to form a collective stronger than our own individual parts. A collective voice, a collective place for reassurance, support, and empowerment. I will do my best to make this a great place to be, and seek the expertise of others to assist us.
Overcoming negative self-talk
Ahead of Jo’s session on ‘Overcoming negative self-talk’ on the 4th September at 1:15pm, which will be an evidenced based approach. I wanted to share my recollections of my own journey with that negative inner voice back in 2019, when I was at my lowest compared to the voice present today.
At that time, I recall it was extremely intense, it was inane chitter chatter about how terrible I was at everything, I couldn't subside it at all. It was present at every moment all day every day, about everything, the dialogue was exhausting. I really listened to it, and what's worse, I really believed it, it helped cement that perception that I had in my head from other people. It wasn’t always true.
Now I realise I do still have inner talk but if you notice there isn't the word negative beforehand. It can sometimes be a bit doubtful, things like ‘what if this doesn't work?’, ‘what if I mess this up?’ ‘What if somebody doesn't like what I'm doing?’ However, I've noticed that it flashes up based on specific things I'm doing, and those questions pop into my mind only occasionally. This level of inner talk dials up or down depending upon where I am, what I am doing, and who is involved.
With The HR Confidence Club, the difference is that I know I am helping others based on the feedback I'm getting, and this is one of my values, which also brings me joy. I accept that everyone is not going to like me, and everyone will not like what I'm doing, but if some do and it's helpful, then that is far more important to me than anything else. I may not get it right, which used to be a big factor of negativity within my inner dialogue, which actually would hold me back and which would prevent me from progressing, prevent me from helping even, and whilst I might get it wrong, I might make mistake, I know I am doing my best.
I wholeheartedly believe as I've said before, that HR professionals are struggling with their confidence, and I've been there myself. I know from my journey since last year people are reaching out to me so I know that what I'm doing is needed, and I focus on helping others rather than on am I good enough, is this enough. My focus is outward and not inward.
So if you feel like you are going stir crazy and that inner negativity won't stop. I promise you it is possible to reduce it.
I will update this further, after Jo's session on the 4th September
18th August 2024 - Knowing you you truly are
I finally got around to watching Michelle Obama's documentary 'Becoming'. Not sure if you have seen it but it is worth a watch imo. She says she goes from being a normal family, and having a normal family life, to everyone watching and analysing her every gesture and eye movement overnight. Her life is not her own anymore. I think that's really sad when you truly think about the impact of this on your life, I know she was the 1st lady but she is still human, with feelings and emotions.
For us our lives are our own, we absolutely should be able to be whoever the hell we are. As long as we are showing up with compassion and kindness in our authentic selves, those must be the only things that matter. Idealistic maybe, but I do truly believe it.
🌟Do you know who you truly are, at your core?
🌟What makes you tick?
🌟Do you know what you want in life?
🌟What you like?
🌟What you don't like?
🌟What you love?
🌟What you are passionate about?
Your identity is so important it impacts your life, and impacts those around you too.
Knowing yourself completely, loving yourself for who you truly are unconditionally, along with respecting yourself, and trusting yourself implicitly, I believe are the diamonds to cracking your confidence. You will be operating as your highest self., where all that you do feels right.
I would love you to have think about these questions, and let me know how you are getting on
7th August 2024 - Books and Podcasts
I had the pleasure of chatting to Debra Corey, author of Bad Bosses Ruin Lives book, it is an absolutely fantastic read to gather insight of the different styles and types of bad managers. I strongly believe this is one of the reasons for our lack of confidence. I wanted to reach out to her to learn more, and see if she would come along and talk to us at a future special guest slot, and she has agreed, so exciting. Deb Corey will be with us on the 13th November.
The fabulous Jo Wright author of "There's no such word as can't" was this month's guest speaker. I knew she was going to be fantastic, what a powerful, emotional session we had, which people absolutely loved. Check out the feedback here.
The competition, we had 3 winners who have been contacted by Jo.
The other news is I was on my first Podcast on Friday with Antony Nash from LeadershipSuccess , my fellow guests were Michelle Hartley, the Queen of Joy from People Sorted, and Anwen Bottois the Leadership Master, from Purple Sky Consulting. We were talking about The HR Confidence Club and their roles in supporting me over the years. I will let you know when its live. I was really nervous about it, but on the day it was a fantastic experience and we had a lot of fun. I think sometime we build these things up in our heads.
3rd August 2024 - Toast Masters, Connections and Networking
Wow what a week! Monday started busy as ever in my day job, it's a good job I enjoy it. Monday evening I went along to Worcester Speakers. They are part of Toastmasters International, they help people from around the world, become more confident speakers and leaders. This was my second session, you may have seen my write up on Tuesday, if not take a look
On Wednesday, it was an HR Confidence Club day full of fantastic meetings and personal growth:- Virtual Coffee Catch ups with - Paula Brockwell, Ted Hewitt's Coffee Connections, Anthony Munday, Steve Ennis, Deanne Walsh
Confidence Coffee & Connect - the second session we explored why we have a lack of confidence in ourselves and in our abilities. I compared this to the definition of self-confidence and realised how similar they are, however it was particularly interesting that confidence focusses more on our of feelings of trust in our abilities and judgement. Food for thought for future developments.
14th July 2024 - Saying Yes and working it out after
Those of you actively following what's happening on LinkedIn will know that I am holding true to my moto of saying yes and working it out afterwards.... I may be speaking at an HR conference next year. I was so completely honoured to be recommended as 'inspirational in-house HR' by someone, and I am absolutely grateful and thankful for the opportunity. So if I am suitable, I will definitely have to put my big girl pants on for that. I have a year to prep to move me from speaking to groups of 50ish to a bigger stage, so fingers crossed I should be fine.
From Clarity to Acceptance
Hopefully you gained some clarity and are feeling motivated to take your next step towards acceptance. Just because you have some personal development to do, doesn't mean you are broken, a bad person, or that there is anything wrong with you. We are human. Be kind to yourself, like you would to a friend.
Having clarity enables us to take control and move from feeling low and shame, to towards feeling relief and the power that comes from positive change.
Take a look back at the guide for a refresher. If you are still feeling stuck, please don't worry. Sometimes I talk to people so low in their confidence that they are stuck, not sure of what they want anymore, or if they have an inkling, there is still no idea how to start to move towards it.
If I could give you a potion of courage, what would you do to change the situation?
Does this help to start to think about ways of becoming unstuck?
Don't forget if you want to work through this process there is Michelle Hartley's 1% more confident handout to help you. If you need help with it please do reach out to me, or I am sure Michelle will help too.
30th June 2024 - Gaining Clarity
Thank you for downloading my free gift, the self confidence guide, I hope it helped you to find some clarity.
Did you?
It doesn't matter how small that step is
Gaining the clarity you need in order to move to the next step is really important
So what's happening for you? What is causing your low self confidence? What are you feeling? Why are you feeling it? Is it something you can change? Or can your reactions change to help you to manage the external situation better? Are you ready to explore yourself? DM me for a chat
What else is going on with Sasi?!
Working full time in such a busy job is hard going at the moment. I'm not sure if there's something in the air but the volume of work is HIGH
Anyhoo, I am still beavering away on my passion project, The HR Confidence Club, I believe in it so wholeheartedly. I'm so excited by the connections it's bringing, the people reaching out to me as they know it's something that's needed for us HR professionals, watch this space as the project develops.
As you will have seen, I have been able to get a series of free inputs from kind and generous souls who also believe in the ethos of our Club:
🌟 In June, we had the fabulous Michelle Hartley - Finding Your Authentic Self
🌟 3rd July 1.15pm, we have the wonderful Danielle wood 'What's holding you back?!'
You may want to put a little pencil hold for lunchtimes on the first Wednesday of the month, for other fantastic inputs!!
You will also have seen our first Confidence, Coffee & Connect which went down well, with lots of engagement. I hope everyone got something from it. The format may well change each time depending on group size, perhaps having some breakouts next time. If you would like to let me know ideas or topics for discussion in the Club, I would love to hear from you. Feel free to reply to me here or on LinkedIn.
Anyway, July is nearly upon us, I hope you have lovely plans for the summer ☀️